my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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