So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
