I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
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Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...