Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.