he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.