I'm going to jail i love you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Go christen that room with your naked body.