Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
