Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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