She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
