That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
