worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
