I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
