I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
