it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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