it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
