did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
