so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
