Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
