Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
