I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
