your parents love me but you hate me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
