It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My room smells like vodka and shame
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
