that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
