What a fucking waste of an outfit
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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