i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
