dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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