I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
