she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
