I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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