My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
