Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
