You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
