so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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