I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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