mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
