There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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