Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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