My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
