I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
