dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
