Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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