i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
