I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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