Only a mothe r could love this liver
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
