C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
