god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
