I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
