Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
