I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
