Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
