i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
