he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
