no, he came in my armpit
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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