Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
