i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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