Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
