so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
