i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
