Only a mothe r could love this liver
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
