Umm I'm too high to move.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
